Walking on Lily Pads - Based on a True Story, Unfortunately

by Laura Edwards-Ray

FADE IN:

INT. LUCY’S JEEP CHEROKEE - DAY - TRAVELING
Lucy and the girls are driving home from the bridal shop where Maggie and Mollie were fitted for their flower girl dresses.  They are both seat belted in the back seat.
MAGGIE
Mommy, I have something to tell you!  I want you to know something.

LUCY 
Sure Honey, what do you want me to know?

MAGGIE
I want you to know that I learned in my ‘Growing Up and Liking It’ class in school that it’s not just God who’s making those babies!

Maggie smiles at her Mother and does a ‘snap and wink’ with her fingers.  

MOLLIE
Mommy, what’s she talking about?

LUCY
Honey, when we get home, why don’t you go over to Jessie’s house and play with her, and Maggie, you and I can have a talk, OK?
MOLLIE
                        OK, Mommy.

EXT. LUCY’S NEW HOME/DRIVEWAY - DAY
She pulls into the driveway, Mollie gets out, gives her Mom a kiss and skips all the way to Jessie’s home.  Lucy nervously walks into the house knowing that she’s going to have to have ‘the facts of life’ talk with Maggie. 

LUCY
OK, Maggie.  Why don’t you meet me in my bedroom and you can  tell me what you were talking about in the car.
MAGGIE
OK Mommy.  

INT. LUCY’S NEW HOME/HALLWAY - DAY
They both walk into the house, and Maggie skips down the hallway to Lucy’s bedroom.  Lucy follows Maggie, dreading the conversation.

INT. LUCY’S NEW HOME/MASTER BEDROOM - DAY
Maggie is jumping on Lucy’s bed. 
LUCY
OK, Honey.  Tell me what you were talking about in the car.
MAGGIE
Well, SIGH. I know that the mommy has the egg and the daddy has the sperm, and when they kiss, they make a baby!

Maggie does her ‘snap and wink’ routine again.
LUCY
Oh Honey, you can’t get pregnant by just kissing a boy.

Maggie stops jumping, and thinks for a minute.
MAGGIE
Then, where does the man’s sperm come from? 
LUCY
Well Honey, the sperm comes from a man’s penis.
Maggie turns white as a ghost and SCREAMS.
MAGGIE
Oh Mommy. Please don’t tell me!
LUCY
Please don’t tell you what, Honey?
MAGGIE
Please don’t tell me that I’m going to have to kiss a penis! 
LUCY
Nooooo! Absolutely not!
Maggie runs to her bedroom crying, slamming the door. Lucy whispers to herself.
LUCY (CONT’D)
Only if you want jewelry.

Lucy takes a long pillow from the bed, places it on her face to silence her laughter, falls backwards flat onto the bed, kicking her legs and continues to laugh hysterically. 
                                                                                                                  FADE OUT.


Writer's excerpt courtesy NYWIFT (NYWIFT.ORG)